Monday, March 12, 2007

OK MAGAZINE? SEE ME AFTER CLASS.

Can you please tell me what was so important that you felt it nessecary to lean over and talk to NW Magazine during my invaluable lecture entitled, How Jake Makes Usually Attractive Celebrities Look Less Attractive By Standing Next To Them. Yes, it was during the Heath Ledger segment of aforementioned talk that I noticed some giggling, note-passing and if I'm not mistaken, the use of a whoopee cushion. Do you think I was born yesterday? What is that?! Hold out your hands...give it to me...NOW.

Oh, I see. Childish. I spend near to three months in the jungles of Mexico and this is what I come back to? I hope you're thoroughly ashamed of yourselves. Now, I want you to write, 'Jake Gyllenhaal is not in a romantic relationship with anyone and never ever will be', 100 times in your Jake Watch Academy For The Arts Of Jake Gyllenhaal exercise book. And then get out of my sight...but seriously, Jessica Simpson's getting fat?

39 comments:

veeveevee said...

Britpop - you're back!!!

Welcome home from Mexico or wherever - I can't wait to hear the story behind your big escape.

Sorry you had to come home to Jake and Reese gossip...

kokodee said...

Brit!!!!!!!
*kisses*
Welcome back!

agentH said...

Whew!!! Brit's back!

As for Reese and Jake..maintain your positions Agents and never fear, we knew this was coming, right?

H

Anonymous said...

BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!

YEAH! You're alive? Hows your spanish? Como esta chica?

Yeah - I say wrap them OK's knuckles with their own dirt-rag.

Jessica getting fat or phat? Because she is pretty hot and tempting is you ask me!
ZOWIE!

I think Ok! is getting wicked fat and chubby - its all that junk and crap from the rumour mill it keeps feeding off!

KayDee said...

Britpop, you're back!!! So our top secret dangerous rescue mission succeeded! Hope you're ok and nobody tried to brainwash you to learn all the secrets of JW

'Jake Gyllenhaal is not in a romantic relationship with anyone and never ever will be'

LOL. Right.

And Heath is hot even next to Jake. He is.

heddaparsons said...

Britpop is back!! Welcome home and just in time. I don't know whats more ridiculous, the "story" or the photoshopped pictures!

ncwoman said...

BRITPOPBABY!! You're back!!! *Hugs*

Welcome back, darlin'! We missed you!

All's right with the world now.

Anonymous said...

Reese is one of the few girls I wouldn't mind seeing Jake with. She's a beautiful girl and very sweet, unlike that hippy stank turp Kristen. Although I hate to face the facts that Jake even touches women other than on screen, who better than Reese Witherspoon? If it were any other chick I would fall on the floor in a full blown hissy fit that would put a five year old on a candy isle to shame!

cina said...

Yo Brits!!! :D

Local Celebrity said...

No offense to Reese, because I'm sure she's great, but I really don't like his taste in women. I mean, Kirsten was known for Bring It On and isn't Reese known for Legally Blond ? Maybe HE was having a blond moment/week/month.

smurfette said...

HOLY SH!T, BPB you're really back! phew... so sorry i ever doubted.

and WTF, may i ask, is NW magazine? i've never even heard of it. they seem even less reliable than USWeekly and Intouch, as if that were possible.

and girls, don't mean to be lectur-y, but can we just try to avoid slamming kirsten or reese or any girl jake's linked to? it's just not necessary.

Number 3.8879 said...

physical 46%

emotional 94%

intellectual 5%

total 48%


Bio Match is never wrong.

Anonymous said...

OT: Cute story about Maggie shopping for Peter, she was looking for the same shirt that Jake purchased for Peter!

http://offtherack.people.com/jake_gyllenhaal/index.html

Muffin said...

where the flying freak have you been, Brits?!!!!

S4M985 said...

i wrote a letter of complaint to the NW magazine, for claiming pictures taken on feb 16 last year were taken on march 1 this year! No reply as yet!

WELCOME BACK BRIT!!!! (HUGS)

Prophecy Girl said...

and girls, don't mean to be lectur-y, but can we just try to avoid slamming kirsten or reese or any girl jake's linked to? it's just not necessary.

Thanks, smurfette. We'll start deleting comments if anyone gets nasty. And the point of the post was NOT that Jake and Reese are actually together...

i wrote a letter of complaint to the NW magazine, for claiming pictures taken on feb 16 last year were taken on march 1 this year!

Sam, you're awesome!! Let us know if you hear back (although somehow I doubt it). ;)

Katie said...

Good to see you Brits!

'It's official!' - really. And I'm Helen Mirren, yes, really, I am, it's official.

Let's not get at Reese (or Kirsten either). It's not their fault that the 'press' have gone crazy over our delicious Jake this week and have got themselves in a muddle and gone Photoshopping

Carla said...

Welcome back, Britpop!
I am sure your mexican adventures are more thrilling than the lovey-dovey rumours.....

Sam, while writing your letter to that NW magazin did you ask them what C. did during the "private time"? Was he only watching or cooking the meal after...??

I remember a time when "journalist" was a respected job and not an insult....

Anonymous said...

Reliable sources claim Jake checked into the Mandarin whatchamacallit Hotel when he arrived from Morocco a whole week before Reese. There are eighty-nine thousand rooms in that hotel including 200 exclusive penthouses. It's a virtual city within a city with 90 high end spas where you can get seaweed wraps 24/7...in any flavor you chose. Paramount put Jake in that hotel on purpose so he could promote Zodiac. Who knew it was Reese's favorite hotel! Reese was in SoHo wandering around. Jake was in The West Village wandering around. Du-uh!The reason Jake spent the night at that hotel was bcz....gasp...he had a room there. He didn't even know Reese was in town. He didn't even know she stayed there. He didn't even know she was in SoHo when he was in the West Village. Jake was clueless.All he did was go jogging and eat out when he wasn't doing promos for his film...and he hung out with Chris and talked on the phone. He would NEVER have a flirtation or a romantic relationship with anyone...or s.e.x. Never. I think we should sue OK magazine for mental cruelty. I'm glad you're back, BPB. Only you have the fierce cunning required to fight them on their own turf...the blogosphere!!

Anonymous said...

wow he has a sexy stubble in the top rightmost pic and an even sexier look on his face.

Kendra said...

Beware, Reese, Brit has come ready to "unblonde" if necessary ;)

Shaken, not stirred said...

Welcome back Brit!! Is Reese divorce from Ryan even finalized yet? Boy this rumor has legs!!

welliwont said...

OMGOMG thank God you have returned BPB!!!! I MISSED you!!!

How did you escape? Please tell me you are not going back to the jungle again.... I don't think I could stand it. Gotta go read all the comments, I bet somebody copied what I just wrote here!

atk said...

Best news in a long time, Britpop is back.

Oh yeah, the gossip! We saw it a long way coming, didn´t we?!

And I have to agree with Carla, where the hell was Chris the whole time? Sitting on Jake´s lap while he had his "date" with Reese? Yeah, right!

cina said...

This rumour is so ridiculously stupid I don't even know what to say about it. But I guess it was bound to happen.

Anonymous said...

Smurfette - NW mag is a weekly Australian gossip spread that you should not take as serious info. Example: Brad and Angelina are breaking up every week. Reese is getting back with Ryan. Britney is the clone of Paris Hilton. George Clooney is in love... with himself (wait that last one could be true).

Next week's issue will most likely feature that Jake gets married in secret. And Reese is pregnant again (apparently she's been pregnant for real long time ?!) Don't believe it. They're lies, LIES I TELL YOU!

Anonymous said...

I cannot believe NW put this on their COVER claiming it was like Jake went to them himself...

wait.. it is a lie right?

S4M985 said...

yeh its a lie, not once did it say anything about anyone confirming, except of course 'friends' whatever that means
i scanned the article, its available to read (if u have good eyes, my scanner is apparently crap) pretty interesting the shit they spun!

No reply to my email as yet!

S4M985 said...

ahh... its available to read in the forum under 'Jake and Reese'
lol.. i worked to hard today sorry guys!

Anonymous said...

It's no secret,Reese Witherspoon does sue magazines for lying. She does it regularly. And she wins. If there's no repsonse from her camp, no threatened lawsuit, fairly soon, I'd take a second look at all this. The only thing we know for sure is that she flew into NYC the same day he wrapped up all his tapings and promos, Thursday. And they appear to have both stayed at the same hotel.They both appear to have left on Sunday.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Lets go on Gawker Stalker for the week Jake was in NYC and find out who else famous was in town that he probably was "seeing." Celebs fly btwn coasts all the time.

Anonymous said...

NO NO NO he can do so much better. Please let it NOT be true. Sigh.

heddaparsons said...

11:28AM: Reese does sue magazines for lying, Star for instance but I don'tknow if she would waste her time with NW or even OK, but we will wait and see.

smurfette said...

^^ i agree with heddaparsons. just because reese isn't sueing doesn't mean the rumors are true. NW may not be worth her time. and besides, i think legally, a rag has to claim some pretty outrageous stuff for a celebrity go through the bother/have a chance at winning such a lawsuit. for example, i think reese won for the pregnancy rumors because it was argued that could cause her to lose work, and i think actresses have won in the past on false claims of infidelity since that's slander. notice these magazines always try to cover their butts by quoting anonymous sources and such. that doesn't always work, but helps them sometimes.

and lastly, so what if reese and jake met up in nyc? they're friends and costars, and it's entirely normal. and on the off chance (very very low chance) there's some truth to this, whatever, as long as all parties are happy. it's not like i have a chance with jake, so i'm not about to get my panties in a knot over a little rumor

lukas said...

NOT The Witherspoon! Jesus!

Number 3.8879 said...

"The lies are all lies I tell ya."

Until you see them in a romantic embrace, it's just rumors.

Now let me crawl back into the shrubbery

Stephanie said...

Jake is never allowed to be in any relationship ever again...unless it's with me. ;) Haha, but I'm serious.

coffeecat said...

"Yes, they're together!" I love how the magazine says they are together and then has to photoshop a picture of the two of them together.

I feel bad for Reese with these rumors - the divorce (if it's even final yet) was hard and now this. Plus she is not an eligible candidate for the Gyllenhaal because she already has two children. What if she doesn't want more? It's been my theory all along that Jake HAS to breed!

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