Today's travesty: Jake has won countless awards (7) and that's all fine and dandy, but what about all the awards he has missed out on? Obviously he should have won them all in the first place but I only have the resources to right one wrong at a time. So please, take this opportunity to decide which trophy Jake should have had bestowed upon him but he didn't (and in some cases wasn't even nominated for, bastards.)
A. REAR OF THE YEAR
Don't be alarmed! It's a British thing. A glass ball to celebrate who has the best arse (annually). I'm sure if Jake had won this award he would have hopped straight on the plane to Milton Keynes and accepted it with his usual grace.
B. SPECTACLE WEARER OF THE YEAR AWARD
Okay, so Jake NEVER wears glasses but he did once, for like a minute, in Proof and lo it was good.
C. MTV MOVIE AWARD FOR BEST FIGHT 2006
Er, hello? There was a lasso and everything!
D. SHEPHERD OF THE YEAR AWARD
The Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival seem to have rather conviently omitted Jack Nasty from this tournamnet, instead choosing to honour Sissy Spacek and Old Blue. WTF? It's because he's gay, isn't it?
E. PUGGLE OWNER OF THE YEAR AWARD
I may or may not have just invented this award.
F. THE JAKE WATCH AWARD FOR BEST JAKE GYLLENHAAL
Oh, wait, Jake did win that one!