Sunday, November 05, 2006

THE SUNDAY PROJECT

I'll tell ya something, there's nothing easy about Sunday mornings here at JW HQ. Inbetween my gluten-free museli and Earl Grey I often stumble across another great injustice of the world that I feel must be righted straight away by the unstable and inaccurate voting system we operate around here.

Today's travesty: Jake has won countless awards (7) and that's all fine and dandy, but what about all the awards he has missed out on? Obviously he should have won them all in the first place but I only have the resources to right one wrong at a time. So please, take this opportunity to decide which trophy Jake should have had bestowed upon him but he didn't (and in some cases wasn't even nominated for, bastards.)

A. REAR OF THE YEAR
Don't be alarmed! It's a British thing. A glass ball to celebrate who has the best arse (annually). I'm sure if Jake had won this award he would have hopped straight on the plane to Milton Keynes and accepted it with his usual grace.

B. SPECTACLE WEARER OF THE YEAR AWARD
Okay, so Jake NEVER wears glasses but he did once, for like a minute, in Proof and lo it was good.

C. MTV MOVIE AWARD FOR BEST FIGHT 2006
Er, hello? There was a lasso and everything!

D. SHEPHERD OF THE YEAR AWARD
The Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival seem to have rather conviently omitted Jack Nasty from this tournamnet, instead choosing to honour Sissy Spacek and Old Blue. WTF? It's because he's gay, isn't it?

E. PUGGLE OWNER OF THE YEAR AWARD
I may or may not have just invented this award.

F. THE JAKE WATCH AWARD FOR BEST JAKE GYLLENHAAL
Oh, wait, Jake did win that one!

47 comments:

Simon Agent 002 said...

I thought you were making up ass of the year award?...but I see it does exist!
is this what it's come to?

Anneka's Alias said...

As a fellow specky, I'm going for Spectacle Wearer of the Year. And if the only competition they can come up with is one of the clones from Atomic Kitten, I have a feeling he could walk it.

P.S. Who is that girl in the Rear of The Year photo? Cos I was a guest judge once and I never voted for her rear.

britpopbaby said...

Rear of the Year (ROTY) is 25 years old I'll have you know.

gummybug said...

Gotta go with ass of the year award. 'Cause I'm just shallow like that.

penny lane said...

I will have to go for the Puggle Owner of the Year Award...I wonder who remembers that what Boo is chewing on is an effigy of George W Bush?!

cina said...

Another specky here, so of course I vote for Spectacle Wearer of the Year.

And I just love that picture of Boo chewing on George W Bush!!

pgcatz said...

Oh to be that sheep in Jake's arms. My God look how tenderly he is gazing at that animal. Those are great pictures and posts, BritPop, Thank You

nice anonymous said...

He should get all of these awards. And more. But I believe there's one here that he particularly deserves. I think that, comparatively speaking, this site is guilty of neglecting Jake's ass. In fact, the back view of Jake is like a splendid, still-unexplored continent, waiting for our attention. Between "Jarhead" and "Brokeback Mountain," Jake's ass was one of the highlights of the 1995 movie-going experience. He's so spectacular frontwards from the neck up -- and also from the neck down -- that we tend to forget his taut little pair of cheeks. I prefer seeing them encased within tight-fitting Western denims -- which serve as a well-crafted frame for a stunning work of art. Also, there is that one surfboard picture, where he's wearing the light-blue shorts, crouched over & bending forward a little from the knees, that just stops my heart. For that picture alone, he should win with a comfortable margin to spare.

(Now I need to calm down & head off for brunch ...)

I have to emphasize, again, that I also admire his acting ability & his political activism. ;-)

JoyceDavenport said...

Happy birthday dkkb (see I remembered from yesterday!
And the 'Jack Twist Jake' towel pic was the stripey semi naked Martha's Vinyard shot feature about mid August. But anyway we are on a different page now.
Hmm- another tough choice. Count me in on the spectacle crew and he does look very sexy in them. But who could deny he has the butt from heaven? Still shepherd of the year is such a shoo in with that look of warm and tender affection he is giving that sheep in his arms- er on second thoughts I think we might not want to go there- a bit like Anneka's rocket similie. OK- it has to be the other one- blast I've forgotten what it was now and I can't copy this on this computer. Will have to post this and log back in. Oh and TBL- (or shoulfd I call you 'S'?- you know I'm not 56- not that there is anything wrong with being 56-OK going to shut up now).

JoyceDavenport said...

Oh yeah- best fight- of course they should have won that- if for nothing else but the finest bit of calf roping seen this side of a rodeo show this year- Jake and Heath rolling and wrestling in the mud- has to be a winner.

winterbird said...

Thank god Jake doesn't get his specs from the Specsavers.

Dumbo said...

"Rear of the Year (ROTY) is 25 years old I'll have you know."

Then it seems even more fitting that Jake recieve that award.

kaydee said...

that one is easy. best arse, of course.

i can just imagine the ceremony. guh.

the picture with the sheep is so cute. it's my second choice.

Smurfeyshmoo said...

Oh my. Rear of the year? Um, more like rear of the world, thanks. That's why he didn't win. Because the wonderfulness of Jake's posterier cannot be confined to one year.

Nothing Really Matters said...

E. PUGGLE OWNER OF THE YEAR AWARD

Yay is has to be this one! That puggle is so sweet!

kaydee said...

That puggle is so sweet!

the owner is no too bad neither

Newport Girl said...

nice anonymous said...
"Between 'Jarhead' and 'Brokeback Mountain' Jake's ass was one of the highlights of the 1995 movie-going experience."

Wow, his ass made you forget ten years of time

britpopbaby said...

^^ Ha ha ha ha ha ha!! If I ever make a quotes page that baby is going on it.

kaydee said...

brits, i hope you don't mind but i counted our yesterday's votes for cleanshaven versus wolverine jake. smoothies win!!! with 19 votes against 16 with 18 votes for either way and 25 off topic comments (about age, jake-sex-dreams and assorted weirdness)

soclean shaven jake weee-hooo

i feel strange for doing that

Anonymous said...

I vote for the Wolverine look!

britpopbaby said...

smoothies win!!!

You lie! No matter, I have a leather catsuit and squall on my side - I am indestructable.

dani said...

Of course everything about Jake is worthy. But I will have to go with Ass of the Year simply because I generally refer to him as Fine Ass Jake!

kaydee said...

You lie!

ha, you wish!!!

we could mud wrestle over it if you want. but i wouldn't if i were you. i fight dirty, especially if the stakes are so high

so there

i repeat: smoothes win

perfectscore_goldstar said...

Would you mud wrestle for FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAH ??? ;)

I vote for heiney of the milennium ... yep ... definitely ... **fondly remembers the Santa Hat dance from Jarhead **

*sigh*

The Bearded Lady said...

Yes, nothing wrong with being 56 years old.
From what I've heard profiles add 10 yrs. ;)

Boo should have his own award.

Simon Agent 002 said...

Profile Views 1261?
Come on NRM, you answered that make $900.00 thing didn't you?

veeveevee said...

Well he's the obvious Rear of the Year champion, but I do love the way he's looking down at Boo for the Puggle Dad of the Year, and the fact that he would give him a Bush doll to chew to pieces is perfect and makes me love him even more!

Anonymous said...

I honestly don't know what we'd do without you to point this stuff out to us. I do think that Jake should win hands down on the best arse award, that man can shake his booty like no one elses business.

and as a fellow eyeglass wearer (though I wear mine more than Jake) he looks hot in those specks.

but I think rear of the year should be his every year!

any more awards you can think of? Cause people might leave Jake out as sexiest man alive again

Wet For Went said...

I love them all but you forgot Walker of the Year. No one does walking and stepping off curbs better than Jake. Oh and yes, it's all about the smoothies...

mrs_dalloway said...

I would have said best owner of a puggle,because both of them are true beauties and they look just perfect together. But..I'm not satisffied with the way the owner treats the puggle.I mean..how long has it been since we last saw them out and about? too long.
So..I have to pick MTV Award for best fight scene. That WAS the best fight ever. Seriously,it has everything..violence,sexual tension,great background,dirty jeans..

SquallCloud said...

Well my favorite celeb booty is Beyonce's because it looks like cake yum. So I say he should have won best fight WTF MTV??? There was wrastlin, the mistaken bloodying of a nose, and The Shirts of Interlocking Souls what could be better?

Simon Agent 002 said...

What kind of specious celebrity would you be to pick-up in person, let alone accept a "Rear of the Year" award? (time for a new agent?)
Really?
Clearly this award business is well outta hand?...
Which is why JW needs to commission a statue, event plan.... cheese and crackers... box wine...paper plates?...maybe a tearful, heartfelt speech by Anneka, on how this years honorees changed the course of the world by their awesome talent?
If designed properly such award could be used as a doorstop.
Display and function, I like that!

mpom said...

OMG I just had a scary thought. I have seen, or should I say WE have seen, almost ALL of this man's body in the flesh. On screen of course, but still......
The only unseen part, covered by a santa hat.
This came to me as I was watching Moonlight Mile, AGAIN, and saw the bottoms of his bare feet goung out the window.
I've got to find something else to do with my spare time.

Great Sunday project. It's almost impossible to vote but I will have to say as first choice, the best fight, with the best rear of the year a close second.

britpopbaby said...

Oh I've always had plans for a JW awards ceremony but obviously it has to be held in awards season, Jan-March. Should we go before the Oscars and steal their glory or bask in the afterglow?

Simon Agent 002 said...

Yeah we could have nominees and vote for various catigories ....weeks of fun.
Just suggesting the catigories could prove interesting in it's self

Then announce the results at a black tie function.

Example: "Up and Coming Ass of the Year"
The ass which appears to be on the cusp of a breakout.

said...

What are those huge papers that he's holding in the Puggle Award picture?

I vote Best Spectacle Wearer. Guys in glasses are cute, and it's nice to see someone unafraid of looking a little nerdy.

nice anonymous said...

Oh, dear. I'm embarrassed. You're right, 2005, not 1995. (Sigh.) Where did all the time go?

But all will agree, I'm sure, it's an ass those impact could most definitely be felt for a decade or more.

(Not to mention his acting talent and concern for social causes. Jake, I'm going to vote, I promise.)

only1annabel said...

Wow this is a tough choice-I'm gone a couple of days and have to decide over Wolverine Jake or clean shaven Jake (I pick Wolverine) and now this. Well I guess the shallow option would definately be rear of the year cos thanks to Jarhead we all know he is worthy! But as a specs wearer also I like the idea of having that in common with him...scrap that its ass all the way!!

S4M985 said...

I vote for best fight, definately! The lasso is better than guns and stuff anyday!

Newport Girl said...

My Take On Each Award Entry...

FIGHT: NEGATIVE (because no Jello was involved)

SEX-SPECTACLES: MAYBE (the intelligent scientist look that I love)

SHEPHERD: STRONG MAYBE (but if I was that lamb I'd be a lot more proactive)
(BYW, look where Britpop put the checkmark on Lambie -- yet another SICK image is engraved into my brain)

PUGGLE: MAYBE (JG has a Doggie Style all his own)
(BTW, the large sheets of papers are 11x14 nude glamour photos of my Parrot, Boo is in love with the little tramp.)

ASS: YES YES YES YES YESSS YESSSSSSS (the ASS ENTRY is the next best thing when you haven't offered us the front)

Anonymous said...

I think Jake's is the finest ass I've ever seen. I don't think it should be limited to Rear of the Year. I think Best Ass Ever! is the only fair way to go here.In fact, I feel that way about all the categories mentioned...as well as those not mentioned...

JoyceDavenport said...

Britpop:

Should we go before the Oscars and steal their glory or bask in the afterglow?

What glory?- they blew it last year and they are now on the out. We will be the replacement for the Oscars- far more glorious and entertaining. JW rules!

Now we just have to find a name for them- I feel another competition coming on...

The Puggles?

Kendra said...

I'll vote for the Puggle Award, because its' a cutesy thing.

What glory?- they blew it last year and they are now on the out. We will be the replacement for the Oscars- far more glorious and entertaining. JW rules!

I'll second your words, Joyce! We have here more glamour and less silicone.

mrs_dalloway said...

Happy Birthday,Kendra!! May you and Jake Weird have a happy,long life!!Cheers,hun!

The Puggles..lol! Instead of the Oscar buzz there will be the Puggle buzz..

JoyceDavenport said...

Hi Kendra good to see you and Happy Birthday!

There is a whole series of 'Best' pics going up on the 'Lashes at Dave Cullen as we speak.

SquallCloud said...

nice anonymous said...
"Between 'Jarhead' and 'Brokeback Mountain' Jake's ass was one of the highlights of the 1995 movie-going experience."

Wow, his ass made you forget ten years of time

Brit says:
^^ Ha ha ha ha ha ha!! If I ever make a quotes page that baby is going on it.


Okay that was knee slapping gafawing fun. I just wanted to inform you ladies that I have taken this quote and made it my sig at the DC. God I love this place!

Also Brit you used to have quotes on the sidebar I remember because you used one of mine. *smiles* I think you should start that up again JUST so you can put this quote up. LOVE.

amerita said...

I'd say best fight: specifically the one the picture is from, which is NOT the one involving the lasso, but the one when Aguirre is watching from a distance... Because: ... we all know how it ends up though Ang Lee cuts it short (dammit!) Lucky horse in the background!