Sunday, September 10, 2006

TIME FOR A LITTLE SUNDAY PROJECT ACTION!

Seeing as how it's Sunday and all. And what have we here?
Aw, look! It's Jake when he was young and adorable, but adorable in a different way than he's adorable now. Those of us who have been brushing up on our Jake History (which should be all of us, ahem) know that this little gem came from Jake's guest appearance on "Homocide: Life on the Street" back in 1994.

Seeing this picture makes me sad because it makes me realize what a waste Jake's career became after this. Here, he had the start of an absolutely brilliant career in television laid out in front of him, but he threw it all away to become a quote/unquote "award-winning" quote/unquote "movie star." Ugh. Like Brokeback Mountain has anything on "Full House."

So I decided to do a little investigating to see how much Jake really gave away for his quote/unquote "film career." Turns out a lot. I made a list of roles that could have been Jake's if he'd just stuck to the TV thing and not run off to Movie Land like a baby.

A. Seth Cohen on "The O.C."
Charmingly gawky and yet oddly endearing, Jake could have been bringing us melodrama at its finest week after week. Plus, then I would be able to join the league of Cohen enthusiasts because the actor who played Seth would not be someone who looked disturbingly like my brother.

B. Ryan Wolfe and/or Eric Delko on "CSI: Miami"
I couldn't really decide which role Jake would be best in but then I realized, this is Jake! Duh, he would totally play them both! I even figured it out plot-wise: Wolfe and Delko could be, like, identical cousins who both got into forensics and moved to Miami separately but were, like, totally freaked when they wound up working together! Think of the hijinks!

C. "The Daily Show with...Jake Gyllenhaal?"
I would so watch every night! Oh, wait. I already do...

D. Special Agent Seeley Booth on "Bones"
I realize probably none of you watch this show. Hell, I don't even watch this show. I just wanted to see what Jake's head looked like on David Boreanaz's body.

E. Jim Halpert on "The Office"
Um, need I even explain this one? Emmy gold, people. Gold.

73 comments:

Anonymous said...

haha^^
awesome

mpom said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
You've made my day.
Jake was such an adorable little boy.
I always check in here before work for a morning chuckle. This one will last all day.
Thanks

Anna said...

LOL! Too funny!!!! :D

cina said...

I've seen that clip of Jake in Homicide..." He broke my heart in it!!

thesweetestone said...

What are your top 5 tv shows? Could you imagine jake in sth like... sopranos...
Actually, id love him in a show... imagine getting to see him on weekly basis. Yum. Perfect drug for us addicts who live for the day zodiac finally comes to the cinema...

Anonymous said...

giggle giggle, ah and breath, bravo good chap bravo! hilarious!




kisses x

cina said...

I think Jake would make a great Derek "McDreamy" Shepherd on Grey's Anatomy.... As I'm working in a hospital myself, the mere thought of Jake in scrubs having hot steamy sexual encounters in the store-room is beyond hot!

The Bearded Lady said...

He has that beard in all those proposed TV roles.

At least in "Homocide - Life on the Street" he didn't go for the beard look! ;)

Simon Agent 002 said...

"D. Special Agent Seeley Booth on "Bones" "

I have no clue who he is standing next to in this one, but she might as well be standing next to a brick wall.
No chemistry on her part, cold fish.
She doesn't deserve him!

Anonymous said...

I would like to participate in this, but I'm too emotionally distressed at the moment, there's some woman in today's News of the World claiming that Jake is her solemate and the love of her life. She's even claiming some sort of previous relationship with him. She goes by the name of Kirsty/Kathy/Krusty or something. One thing to say lady, BACK AWAY FROM MY MAN!

thesweetestone said...

oh damn... her name begins with K. Is there a picture? Is she blond? Oh God...

gummybug said...

He should do some show with lots of sexytime, like... Nip/Tuck or something.

cina said...

I just read the article, and somehow a lot of it seems like "old news". She's said those things about her and Jake way back in interviews so to be honest I'm not completely convinced she's actually said it recently. But of course I could be wrong. And, just a couple of days ago there were pap pics of Kirsten kissing some guy on the street, so to me it doesn't seem like she's "not seeing anybody else"...

Here's a link:
http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/

To the left it says "Kirsten Dunst: My wild sex with Brokback Jake". Bah. *rolls eyes* ;-)

Anonymous said...

I would really like to see Jake as a guest star in just one TV show – Scrubs!

marieke said...

I watch Bones.. *shrugs*

The Bearded Lady said...

Cina, you forgot they also called it an Exclusive! LOL

Anonymous said...

Baby Jake or baby Jack Twist?!?

http://tinyurl.co.uk/1dtz

Anonymous said...

Oh that biography thingy is just so cute.
Lady: 'does it hurt when you that?'
Jake: 'No 'cause I'm double jointed'
See, he was already giving smart arse answers from a young age!

And gosh what a high-pitch voice he had as a kid!

Anonymous said...

girl...u r soo funny best jake site ever! loved it...!

cina said...

Cina, you forgot they also called it an Exclusive! LOL

Oh yes, you're right TBL! ;-)

Anonymous said...

That KD "interview" is recycled old news, it isn't a recent interview. We'll be seeing a lot more of KD bcz of Marie Antoinette and SpideyIII. Ugh! Sorry. But dumping JAkey isn't a way to win hearts and minds. They were last seen together in November, 05. Good riddance.

Anonymous said...

But dumping Jakey isn't a way to win hearts and minds.
O yes, it is!
I think it was a blesing in disguise.

Anonymous said...

I'm selfishly happy he's single, but I don't like what she did. Poor sweet Jake! He seems to have outgrown her, THANK GODDESS!

Anonymous said...

Totally OT, but I'm weeping as I type this. It seems no matter how hard I try, I cannot access the IHJ file for the Biography special on Jakey! It keeps saying the zip file is corrupted or something else and it will not open it for me. RATS! Hope it gets posted on YouTube. It hasn't been so far.

said...

He should be a model on Project Runway because then we could watch him try on and remove clothes while they were being fitted.

Emphasis on "remove". Maybe Bravo could even extend the show by a half hour so we could see all of Jake's unclothed footage. Maybe unclothed Jake could have his own spinoff.

Anonymous said...

3:36PM: Actually 11/05 publically, they spent News Years Eve togehter in '06 according reports, dinner and a concert in May '06 and were seen in June in NY '06 leaving and entering the same hotel (seperately) and now they are wearing their matching pendents and NOW the recyled personal info. Something is up.

Nothing Really Matters said...

Dude another great post! I like the OC one very much! He would have been good in that!

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:34, Are you saying Jake and Kirsten are getting back together? That would be so wrong. Kirsten is not good for Jake. So not good.

only1annabel said...

I agree with Jake having a guest spot on Scrubs that would be cool as he is a good comedic actor!
I just watched the Biography program on him from IHJ and young Jake was sooo cute! He sounds just like Maggie when he was all young with an unbroken voice! Bless little Jakey!
As for the Kirsten article talk about trying to steal his thunder and use his popularity to add publicity to her new film! Oh yeah Kirsten the hardship of all that sex with Jake...my heart bleeds for you!! Yeah right!

Anonymous said...

6:29PM Don't blame the quotes from that article on Kiki, she made them 2 years ago after they broke up the 1st time, obviously they pulled them out of their archives to spice up the interview. She and Jake have maintained their friendship, whatever it is. He obviously has heard about the quotes before. Anyway even if she didn't make those comments people know about their exploits anyway: They were busted in a dept. store in London, in the dressing room and they weren't trying on clothes! They were, um "heard".

Anonymous said...

All I know is I saw pictures of her moving back to LA, lugging heavy boxes from her car, etc. the same time he was hanging out with Matt and Lance and then showed up at Matt's party with Natalie Portman. I really don't see them as being together as a couple anymore. I remember reading about the concert in LA thing, but I think they were both there, but not together. And He was seen walking down the street past 60 Thompson in NYC and some gossip blog made a thing out of it bcz that's where she was staying. I don't recall him being IN her hotel. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my judgement is clouded bcz I SO do not want them to get back together. I'm on Maggie's side. She isn't a big fan either! LOL!

Smurfeyshmoo said...

I love his expression! Haha he just looks really funny. My favorite would have to be the one where he has dual roles...twice the Jake!

Anonymous said...

7:12PM They are being very discreet this time around I hear, not dating but f**k buddies but the same people are claiming that he has the same arrangement with Portman. Jake, Natalie and Kristen a triangle?? Sounds like bad fan fic but who the hell knows. None of them are seeing anyone as far as anyone knows, seriously anyway and no Natalie is not seeing her ex Gael, that I know for sure. And if you believe some of the postings over at Perezhilton.com, Jake isn't letting the grass grow under his feet if you get my drift. Matty and Lance know a lot of friendly young ladies!

Anonymous said...

anon 4:35 here. I am so effing frustrated about not being able to see the Jake Bio!!!!!! I saw the clip of him in Homicide on YouTube and he was SO good!!! He sure knew how to cry on cue, bless him. Bet he gave his parents fits!!!LOL!!
As for Jake and Kirsten: I just don't see it. And I certainly agree Jake hasn't been exactly celibate. Tho I'm glad he's classier than to go down to Florida and act all piggy. I mean, Lance was even spotted with Paris Hilton!!! Seriously.

Anonymous said...

yeah i just read news of the world too. that paper just makes up crap all the time and sells so many celeb stories that arent true...they always take quotes out of context...that article was just made up of different quotes to make a story that is yrs old anyway. they always have kiss n' tell stories from stupid girls who claim they've slept with celebs just to earn money. i remember when justin timberlake threated to sue them a few yrs back

only1annabel said...

Anonymous 6.45 I was just having a rant over her having said that stuff...I'm seriously jealous over the thought of her and Jake tho but hey aren't we all!!!
The perezhilton comments are funny! They call her Drunkst! Hee hee! Oh yeah and they call Jake Gyllenho...whatever do they mean?? Surely thats slander! Ah well if he's young free and single...

Anonymous said...

People need to accept that Jake and Kirsten are over. She was seen making out with a new guy and she dated Andy Samberg for a while. Jake is not with Kirsten. We all know Jake is in a relationship he chooses to keep private and we need to stop pretending like it's not so.

Den Of Thieves said...

I love this!! Jake as Jim Halpert would be hot (even though I adore John Krasinski) He and Jenna Fischer make a cute couple! Or maybe he could play Ryan the Temp? Yeah, I heart The Office.
Did Kirsten actually say those things? It just seems so personal. I find it hard to believe that any celebrity would discuss their sex/love life in the media --especially if it involved another actor. I don't buy it.
I'm totally lame but if anyone is on thefacebook.com I created a group for Jake fans and I don't have any members. It's called "Jake Gyllenhaal Is My Lover" because I couldn''t think of a clever name and Jake is in fact my lover. Its global so you don't have to go to my shitty school to join!

magichappening said...

I love the TV Jakes...brilliant work...this site always puts a smile on my face...
and I have to say...I hope that Jake IS with someone...Kirsten, K someone else, the Soprano's girl...whoever...
I second whoever it was...maybe britpop?..when she said she wanted him to be bad...in some ways I hope he did blow off the reading in LA for the concert in MV...perfection must be exhausting...doing what is expected and let's face it..there are a lot of expectations about him...
and someone like him should not be alone...unless he wants to be...he is young, beautiful and alive...live it, Jake!!

Prophecy Girl said...

Ooooh, den of thieves, great group! I just joined! Is Facebook only an American thing? If so, it seriously needs to start expanding...

cina said...

We all know Jake is in a relationship he chooses to keep private and we need to stop pretending like it's not so.

Care to be a bit more specific? Because I sure don't know.

Anonymous said...

8:52PM: You are on the wrong blog. Kristen never dated Andy Samberg and the guy she was seen "making out" with was a business associate who was giving her a peck on the cheek. Before this recycled quotes came out there are actually a new interview where she states that she is single and not dating anyone. And as far as Jake seeing someone and keeping it private, where did you read this? Some fan fic? The last I heard he and Matt and Lance are making the rounds at the bars and clubs in TX with a bunch of lucky young ladies. Doesn't sound like he is in any relationship, footlose and fancy free!!

Anonymous said...

Well, we can't criticize a mature adult who just needs to get laid sometimes, as long as he doesn't go and give everyone the gory details. It annoys me when celebrities talk about their sex lives. They have every right to have them, but show a little class and don't give us a play-by-play. Bravo to Jake and whoever he's messing around with for keeping it discreet.

I would not believe specific rumors, though. You really can't tell if so-and-so is sleeping with such-and-such just because one walked past the other's hotel, was seen at a restaurant with another, ect. Those sightings are how the rumors get started and they don't have a lot of solid information behind them.

britpopbaby said...

Yeah, I wouldn't give this Jake/Kirsten thing any more mileage. News Of The World is so shit it doesn't even make tabloid status.

As for Jakey on my TV - CSI:NY!! I want him opposite Carmine Giovinazzo. And it would be nice if they could lick each other all over in one episode.

The Bearded Lady said...

I think he should host Jeopardy that would be interesting.


as for gossip rags with old info, half truths ,etc.
If they just told the truth nobody would buy them.

Den Of Thieves said...

Thanks for joining PG! I spend way too much time on facebook, and you're right-- it should expand.
Magichappening, as much as I like to believe that Jake loves nothing more than swapping recipes and playing scrabble with the family on a Saturday night, the idea of him being a little bad is also appealing. On the other hand, I really would love to play scrabble with the Gyllenhaal.

Anonymous said...

I hope he does spend some nights with a cookbook, just because it's so damned cute. I think Jake could be a pretty good mix of naughty and nice.

Nothing Really Matters said...

Facebook WTF?? I'm i being retarded again!

Anonymous said...

9:23: Dunst never said that. And Jake is "discreet" because he has nothing to talk about, all lonesome for now.

Anonymous said...

Cina, I think anon 8:52 is probably referring to Austin.

About Kirsten, anyone has link to the old original interview? I don't remember her saying that, in her fairytale vision, one day she might get married to Jake. Perhaps that is new and she may still want to get back with Jake.

Anonymous said...

9:52

I have a REALLY hard time believing that a guy in his mid twenties has gone two years (it has been two years since they broke up, right?) without sex, even if he's not with a different girl every week. Therefore, it is logical to assume that there's at least a little bit of something going on. Since stalkers like us haven't heard about it, seen photos of it or have been otherwise made aware of anything pertaining to Jake's sex life, he is being discreet.

That said, goody-goody-staying-home Jake is still cute and refreshingly unHollywood and I really hope he does some of that too.

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Anonymous said...

Any passing fan of Kirsten would know that she would never talk about her sex life with Jake. I've read her interviews from 2004-2005 and she never said any of those things. If you dislike her at least let it be for something she actually said or did not crap made up by the tabloids.

Anonymous said...

Ok, answering my own question, all the quotes supposedly from Kirsten can be found here -

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000379/news

The "fairytale vision" quote was from 2002, but not in relation to Jake. Most of the quotes about Kirsten and Jake in the News of the World article appears to be old ones.

nice anonymous said...

I sincerely hope Jake is not in a serious relationship. Because if he is, I swear, that person deserves better. Since Jake flies off to NY all the time, or to stay at the Vineyard with family, or goes off doing this entourage thing with Lance & Matt, and when he travels like that, he appears to be completely free & unencumbered. If Jake were in a relationship, I'd hope he would be openly sharing these parts of his life, rather than hiding a person away and letting him or her wait around until Jake feels like penciling something into his calendar. That kind of relationship would be terribly unequal & sad. It would be rather like having an affair with a married person. I would hope that Jake would be more upfront & honorable in his personal dealings than that.

So I want to believe Jake's single and free. (I'm not saying he's not getting any -- I'm sure he gets as much as he wants, being who he is & looking as he does -- or that he might not have occasional rebounds with Kirsten or whomever.)

Anonymous said...

10:28pm thanks for the link. This seems to refute that News of the World "interview":

Dunst Hints at Gyllenhaal Reunion
22 October 2004 (WENN)
Kirsten Dunst has rubbished reports her break up from Jake Gyllenhaal was acrimonious - insisting the pair both still regard it a temporary split. Following the end of their two year relationship this year, Dunst was rumored to have told friends she found Gyllenhaal boring. But the pair have been spotted together again this week - and Spider-Man star Dunst says a reunion has always been likely. She explains, "I'm supposed to have said some horrible things about him, which is just not true. I don't believe we're finished for ever and neither does he. But I felt that, at the age of 22, I just wasn't ready to settle for a long-term commitment. I feel so young and there's still so much to do and see. There's been a lot of inaccurate speculation, but no-one knows the truth as we know it. I'm not seeing anyone else and, as far as I know, neither is he. We are just two people who've been in love. The feelings that Jake and I have for each other will remain very special."

Anonymous said...

I watch Bones and I think that David Boreanaz's head looks just great on David Boreanaz's body. Jake and his body are also a perfect match!

Anonymous said...

Oh Jake is getting laid and frequently just not by who you think it is. If I told you who it is you'd prolly cry. He keeps this relationship ultra privatte to protect the other person. He's in love, amke no mistake about it.

nice anonymous said...

If it's Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan, I'd probably break down sobbing, yeah.

Otherwise, no worries, since Jake's not a real person whom I see in my daily life. He's not gonna hold the elevator door for me at the office on Monday morning or bring a cup of coffee over to my cubicle or call me up on Saturday afternoon saying: "What are you doing? Wanna hang out?"

To me, he's sort of like a fictional character in a daily comic strip that I enjoy reading. Only handsomer & inclined to wear spandex & appear with his dogs.

So what's the worst that could happen? I'd disapprove of his love life, maybe. So then, would I cry? No -- I'd dump my bookmark, find another blog to hang out at, look at pictures of someone else & etc. No big deal.

Anonymous said...

Oh, that's just BS, anon 12:04!!
If a woke up tomorrow and heard Jake was with a Natalie, or Jennifer Anniston, or a Heath, a Mark Ruffalo, Peter Saarsgard, Chris Fischer, I'd be happy for him. I just hope whoever he ends up with it's someone who's good and kind and smart and worthy of him, bcz he's absolutely dear. I would hate for someone to misuse him. And anyway this is all specualtion, bcz we don't know him. Even tho it's my mission in life to study every facial expression, his body language and his every utterance looking for clues and insights. I would never rifle his trash, tho. One has to draw a line.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, who cares if you disapprove of his life. Get over yourself.

Anonymous said...

Thanx, nice anonymous!!! I wouldn't care if they have pictures of Jake screwing the Pope. He'd still LOOK the same, act the same and I'd still be fantasizing and admiring.Bcz he is simply the sexiest, sweetest thing I've ever seen. I really do think he is totally unique. I haven't felt this way since...well, since JFK, Jr.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to believe there is a special person or persons in his life, and I can even appreciate his interest in being discreet. But Really! People have camera phones, there's the internet, etc. Jake goes to a football game and Boom! It's posted almost in real time. If he was with someone and they went out, even to the grocery store, or out to eat, or to a movie, or a club or a concert, it would be ALL over the place in like ten minutes. We've seen pictures of him shopping for dog toys and pumping gas. So this alleged love of his has to be so deep underground that they are locked in the cellar and only emerge for hot sex...when he's in town. Wait...maybe it's Atticus!

Den Of Thieves said...

"So this alleged love of his has to be so deep underground that they are locked in the cellar and only emerge for hot sex"
Is there a place I can go to pick up an application for this? Online website? I'm very interested in this sex-slave position and think I'm a great candidate. Ahem.

Den Of Thieves said...

"So this alleged love of his has to be so deep underground that they are locked in the cellar and only emerge for hot sex"
Is there a place I can go to pick up an application for this? Online website? I'm very interested in this sex-slave position and think I'm a great candidate. Ahem.

kokodee said...

I wouldn't care if they have pictures of Jake screwing the Pope

Lol! Now that's something I've just gotta see!

Anonymous said...

If Jake were in a relationship, I'd hope he would be openly sharing these parts of his life, rather than hiding a person away and letting him or her wait around until Jake feels like penciling something into his calendar.

How do we know that the person Jake would be with wouldn't be just as busy with their life? If he is actually dating someone right now they might fully approve and even encourage his trips to other places in the states with his friends and family because they know they can't always be together and that they have other things in life to keep them busy. That just means that they would make the most of the moments that they do have together.

Anonymous said...

If he was with someone and they went out, even to the grocery store, or out to eat, or to a movie, or a club or a concert, it would be ALL over the place in like ten minutes.

Not necessarily. He's no doubt knowledgeable in dealing with the paparazzi by now so he may very well know the perfect ways of avoiding them with the more personal aspects of his life. Even when we get a couple of sets of pictures a week, that still doesn't measure up to anything when it comes to the total amount of what he spends his time on.

phoebe said...

Oh, PG, you've made my day!! It's HYSTERICAL! I sooo needed this right now...

Ugh. Like Brokeback Mountain has anything on "Full House."

LMFAO!!

Anonymous said...

8:34, the pictures of Jake attending the UT game were taken by a FAN who then sent them to Trent at Pinkisthenewblog and from there they are on IHJ and all over the place including here and DC forum. This is the age of camera phones and there are folks outhere now called, "people-razzi." And hunfreds of tips come in to gossip blogs every single day. So when you think of Jake, don't limit yourself to the paps who trail him. It's WAY bigger than that. You're right tho, a person he might be "with" secretly might also be busy with their own life and not mind at all when he goes off doing other things. That sounds like a really great 'relationship.'

Anonymous said...

So when you think of Jake, don't limit yourself to the paps who trail him. It's WAY bigger than that.

I don't. I have no doubt that there are plenty of fans out there ready to snap his photo should he be around them but I'm just saying that considering the photos we've seen (from BOTH fans and paparazzi), there is still A LOT of his time that we have no clue about. Hell he went missing for a week or two altogether recently. The pictures we get barely add up to anything and there is plenty of missing time in there that he may be sharing with a romantic partner.

Chi~* said...

I sooo watch Bones! and to top it off I'm a total Jake addict too! And Bones is supposed to be cold and aloof, it makes it better when Booth finaly gets through to her! Its a great show if you dont mid dead bodies!