Wednesday, September 06, 2006

JAKE SHAVED HIS HEAD!!

In 2005, bitches! Psych! In other news, he's thinking about commemorating his recent break-up with Kirsten Dunst by getting a tattoo. OK, I'll stop. I thought maybe a slight shock to the system would do us all a little of good. You know what else does me a little good? Seeing that fine specimen of a male, that paradigm of perfection, that man among men I like to call...

Jake Gyllenhaal: The Multitasker!

I know. I totally forgot about him, too. By the way, Jake. Pal. We might not have to go to all this trouble to dig up year-old photos of you and your hot self if you'd throw us a bone every now and then. You don't write, you don't call....

Anyway.

What have we here, Mr. Gyllenhaal? Not only are you working the Semper Fi look particularly well but, as usual, you've got two hands full of crap and the finger action to keep it all together.

(I always manage to make my posts so image-heavy...sorry, brits! I'm trying to make up for it with pictures so small you can't tell what the hell is going on. It's not the best of tactics.) Check out all that shiznizzle! He's working the car keys in his right-hand, but in the traditionally less-dominant left-hand, he's got a cup of coffee, what may or may not be his wallet, and what looks to be my phone number scribbled down on a piece of paper. Or possibly that's a receipt. Whatev. Might I add that the pinky and ring fingers are tantilizingly free, i.e. he could actually be carrying MORE crap if he had to!
THEN, that's right fools, he kicks it up a notch. Before, it looked like he was just checking out the street, seeing what's happening, chilling...next thing you know he's got the foot out and it seems that all that nonchalent cruising was really the standard "check both ways before you cross" routine, only he's so freaking awesome at multitasking, we didn't even notice! We couldn't get past the hands!

Apparently whatever happened next was either too fast or too miraculous for the dim-witted paps to catch, 'cause all we know that he not only crossed the street, he found his car, and then OPENED THE DOOR! Yeah, I magnified that baby about 400% (what about it?) and the keys are still in his hand. That man is GOOD!

75 comments:

PICKLE said...

OMG PG! Thanks a lot! I screamed so loud and awoke the neighbors.

Good one :)

Smurfeyshmoo said...

YES! Multi-tasking Jake returns! That man amazes me to no end.

Anonymous said...

Hey Jake made HELLO!'s June Favorite - http://www.hellomagazine.com/vote/pastwinners/attractiveman.html

sweeeeet!

Smurfeyshmoo said...

By the way, PG, what a dirty trick to play on people--Jake shaved his head. I freaked out and couldn't decide if I was devastated or excited. And then I realized it wasn't actually true--and can't decide if I'm devastated or excited.

bubblegirl said...

Good God how does he do it? He is so freakin amazing! I just love that man.

cina said...

He's a man of unimaginable talent. I'm totally in awe. These are the things that make my secret Jake shrine-room all the more justified. ;-)

kaydee said...

as to the "hello magazine" minutes for over three weeks for him - aren't I just the perfect fangirl? or just a total freak with no real life whatsoever?

kaydee said...

... i voted every 15 minutes...
sorry, not only freaky, but also incoherent :(

Anna said...

LOL, smurfeyshmoo! I reacted exactly the same way...

Simon Agent 002 said...

You had me for a second, I thought Lance Armstrong the movie was on.

Prophecy Girl said...

By the way, PG, what a dirty trick to play on people...

I know! It was very mean of me. After all the commotion in the comments yesterday, I was feeling mean. It would have given us something to talk about at least. Where is he?!

Nothing Really Matters said...

PG he told me he's on his way to find you!

Prophecy Girl said...

^^^ Oh, thank God! I was starting to get worried. You know, usually he always lets me know where he's going, what he's up to... ;)

The Bearded Lady said...

Did you hear the hiking in England rumor?
But I don't believe it myself as the sighting was so tentative, it may have been any guy.
Or he could be visiting Brit right now?for all we know.

Dumbo said...

"you and your hot self if you'd throw us a bone every now and then. You don't write, you don't call...."

:) Couldn't have said it any better. Great post today PG, Mr. Multitasker never gets old. The shaved head doesn't look too bad in these photos, and I'm not a big fan of Jarhead hair Jake.

cina said...

"The hiking in England rumour"??
Where have you heard that, tbl?

Kendra said...

he's thinking about commemorating his recent break-up with Kirsten Dunst by getting a tattoo

Pg, you're a crack, that reminds me of the tattoo Johnny Depp had done "Winona forever", changed for "Wino forever". In a hypothetical "Kiki forever" easily could be recomposed as "Kiked forever". That stuff always resonates as a "desamor" scar.

The Bearded Lady said...

Cina,
in a IHJ thread, but the person reporting it wasn't certain...just someone in a hat with a beard.
I think it was in yesterday's where is Jake thread?

phoebe said...

Yay, I LOVE Jake the Multitasker!! Thanks for totally making my day, PG! And making me laugh soo hard!

next thing you know he's got the foot out and it seems that all that nonchalent cruising was really the standard "check both ways before you cross" routine, only he's so freaking awesome at multitasking, we didn't even notice! We couldn't get past the hands!

LMAO!! Brilliant, PG!

nice anonymous said...

Oh, that headline. Talk about scare tactics! Irresponsible journalism! (You meanie ;-) Here I am, arriving at the office after a horrendous traffic jam on I-95, on what already began as a bad day. Only to learn that Jake's gorgeous, thick, unruly head of hair was completely gone ... that is, until I read your entry.

Don't do that to a girl. Just don't do that.

smurfette said...

my name is smurfette, and i'm addicted to overanalyzing jake's behavior in paparazzi pictures... thanks PG for feeding my addiction and making it fun!

Dumbo said...

(Group reply) "Hi smurfette"

I've tried the 12 steps to Jake sobriety, and well, I say screw it cause mama needs a drink.

smurfette said...

i just wanted to add that i understand a lot of us are going through a bit of a withdrawal from the dearth of new paparazzi pics of jake, but i for one will never tire of these recent funny entries by PG and BPB commenting on old gems, or the hilarious movie reviews from anneka. and as much as i love new pics and gossip of jake, i like that we can entertain ourselves during this quiet period, and it gives me comfort that jake may be really enjoying his vacation and this momentary reprieve from the photogs. anyway, keep up the great work, girls!

phoebe said...

^^Well said, smurfette! Couldn't agree with you more! :D

britpopbaby said...

I'm pretty sure Jake has been kidnapped. But by whom? We're working on it.

Aah, multi-tasking Jake - one day it may all go horribly wrong like he could spill the coffee or drop the keys. Sorry, I don't know why I'm playing devil's advocate here.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes...I miss him so much I kin hardly stand it...I've even been having anxiety attacks...I mean JAWS was on the other night...and don't they have really treacherous cranberry bogs on Martha's Vineyard???With all the people who visit, work or live on MV, someone must know something! BPB, it comforts me to know you're on the case.

Anonymous said...

"and it gives me comfort that jake may be really enjoying his vacation and this momentary reprieve from the photogs."

Do you guys really think the paps all of a sudden stopped following Jake? Isn't it more likely that he was allowing them access and the photos were planned photo ops and now he's decided to lay off that practice, maybe he was advised to.

The paps were chasing him down and photos were flowly freely in the hundreds and now they just suddenly stopped. Seems more intentional then random.

Anonymous said...

He's having stalker problems--maybe the paps have been alerted and are backing off for safety reasons.

cina said...

I think Jake has been abducted by aliens controlled by Tom Cruise.

kaydee said...

ok, i'm busted, now that the wonderful agents Britpop&Co. started their investigation they will soon learn that I abducted Jake and keep him in my basement ;)
(I'm off my medication at the moment, but it is so nice to dream...

as for dreaming:
i like Jake the Multitasker but i would like to see him doing smth else whan just holding a coffee cup. smth sexy and naughty...

Dumbo said...

"one day it may all go horribly wrong like he could spill the coffee or drop the keys"

Brit you’re hilarious as if that could ever happen. I think that is one of the signs of the apocalypse.

As far as the kidnapping goes I think Cina is on to something. That baby Suri must be stopped.

Anonymous said...

6:27: I thought the reason was that he was still on MV, but maybe not. He and Heath had a problem over the awards season and i heard and they did have bodyguards, it was kept hush hush.

Then after the awards season was over, Jake was seen walking around NY and LA freely so I thought the threat was gone, maybe not. Also I agree that most of the pap pics were set up with Jake and his people including all of the work out pics, the stroll on the beach with mystery guy, the cycling pics and of course the Laker pics to name some. The only time I think they were intruding was when he was with his family, shopping or with his friend Chris in NY but that's just my 2 cents. Also, someone may have told him that A-list stars don't need to do photo ops, just chill until your next project comes along. He has been doing it for so long, i think he just assumed that he had to keep it up when he doesn't.

smurfette said...

i like Jake the Multitasker but i would like to see him doing smth else whan just holding a coffee cup. smth sexy and naughty...

but the beauty of it all is that jake is sexy and naughty even when he’s just holding a coffee cup ;). i like that he’s so normal (or as some say, “boring”) in his pics because he’s like the anti-tom cruise, or any other paparazzi whore (which is why i will just ignore those dumb comments about jake’s elaborate agreements with the paparazzi). jake may have a bit of the “attention-whore” in him when he’s promoting his work and such, but not at all when it comes to his personal life.

one day it may all go horribly wrong like he could spill the coffee or drop the keys.

oh we could hope, no? that would make an exciting entry. haha, i love that we’re the type of fans on JW where that's the extent to which we'd wish any "scandal" on jake.

Anonymous said...

Anons 6:27 and 6:51, I don't agree with those pap pic theories, sorry. First from all reports Jake has been on MV which is known for being pap free. Also if you look at sites like Splashnews.com and TMZ.com among many others they pap lots of celebs all the time. Doing very normal everyday things that we have seen Jake doing. They don't just follow Jake they follow everyone, A listers and all. The difference is that IHJ has had a claim to all Jake pics (the minute they hit the net) in one place. So it seems he is the only one papped and that all the shots are staged. Even Maggie is papped all the time going to get a manicure. She has even said in interviews that they are relentless. So it isn't just Jake. He just has a website (IHJ) that posts all pap shots and people know it.

kaydee said...

"but the beauty of it all is that jake is sexy and naughty even when he’s just holding a coffee cup ;)."

couldn't agree more, but still... can you even imagine what it would do to a girl if he did smth even more sexy? if even a coffee cup in his hand give us palpitations!?

on the other hand, my poor heart could not make it through more jakey-sexiness

britpopbaby said...

I'm sure it's because he's still in MV and it's an exclusive place. I'm pretty sure they don't let anyone who is worth less than 5 million on that island.

muffin said...

After all the commotion in the comments yesterday, I was feeling mean

although I had read the blog (natch) I didn't have the time yesterday to read the comments so colour me shocked when I read all that crap that was posted ...loved Brit's comments in response. I totally got the "seens" but where I come from we would say "seeings".

How dull and boring that the grammar police are now patrolling - I think you should all head to DL instead... they get all hissy about grammar over there so you should feel much more at home

amerita said...

So his people, who I am told are one of the most prominent agency did not know Jake, A-list actor, does not need to 'setup' photos with paps and they needed to be told so? By whom, did you give them a call and teach them a few things about showbiz? Pleeeaze! Iam sorry but Jake setting up pics with the paps a la Paris just does not resonate possible to me AT ALL.

muffin said...

Do you guys really think the paps all of a sudden stopped following Jake?

Do you really think that the paps are gonna follow Jake to MV? They hang around LA and NY to snap any celeb sighting they come across. They are opportunists who get to learn where the celebs live and hang out.

I really don't think that Jake walking down the street with a Sprinkles cupcake was a set up photo op

kaydee said...

"How dull and boring that the grammar police are now patrolling - I think you should all head to DL instead... they get all hissy about grammar over there so you should feel much more at home"

hey, grammar's important, only the tone of yesterday's comments was off, and let's agree that it's not grammar we seek here but Jake, ok?

nice anonymous said...

one day it may all go horribly wrong like he could spill the coffee or drop the keys.

Or it could go horribly right. He might have to bend way, way over to retrieve the keys ... perhaps he'd be wearing tight Wranglers ... and we might get an exciting photo, perhaps reminiscent of that one picture taken at a park while he played with Atticus.

(And if you know exactly which picture I'm referring to, without any further description, consider yourself BADLY addicted to looking at pictures of this man.)

People with a net worth of less than $5 million are indeed permitted on Martha's Vineyard. Because Nice Anonymous will go there in early October (not to stalk Jake or any other celebrity, but to walk on beaches, go birding, buy fudge, sleep very late & etc.) & such stringent income requirements would definitely get her barred from entry.

Anonymous said...

Well, apparently it's been posted on IHJ that Jake (and Heath) is having stalking issues and they seem to be serious

http://iheartjake.suddenlaunch.com/index.cgi?board=gyllenhaalics&action=display&num=1157565975

I hope his privacy is protected. That is really not okay. :(

Anonymous said...

"Well, apparently it's been posted on IHJ that Jake (and Heath) is having stalking issues and they seem to be serious"

I hadn't read that. How awful =(

Anonymous said...

"A-list actor, does not need to 'setup' photos with paps"

You'd be surprised at how common it is and how many big name stars utilize it. That doesn't mean all pics, all the time, obviously.

britpopbaby said...

Right! Come here you lot. I want a head count. Whose gone through his trash this time?

cina said...

*waves* I'm innocent..! LOL

On a serious note though, I DO hope it's just a rumour. If it is true it's absolutely awful. There are sooo many crazy people out there. I'm sure Heath must be really concerned for Matilda's sake. :-(

Nothing Really Matters said...

Right! Come here you lot. I want a head count. Whose gone through his trash this time?

Oh shit sorry! I thought you said that was okay!

The Bearded Lady said...

I don't rummage thru trash bags.
Unless I've thown something out by accident, and if there are enough coffee grounds and decaying produce, I stop myself and call it a loss.

britpopbaby said...

I read the thread - it's not substansiated in any way whatsoever so I'll preume nothing until i read it in the New York Times or the National Enquirer ;).

The Bearded Lady said...

Did anyone hear anything from the Heath Central site?

kaydee said...

ok, i admit. but it was only his trash. well, i did follow him to a grocery too..., and a pharmacy....., the library... but otherwise i'm innocent;)

seriously, all those jokes do not seem as funny as they used to seens it really happens...

Prophecy Girl said...

That thread seemed so random. Nothing specific, nothing to back it up. I hope it's not true. It does sort of suck all the fun out of fake-stalking if the real deal is going down, huh? :(

smurfette said...

i just love that unsubstantiated BS by these ever-present publicity conspiracy theorists is so readily shot down by discernimg JW readers... i'm not so naive to think that actors don’t play the publicity game to a degree in hollywood, but these comments invariably take on this authoritative tone of i-have-inside-info-on-the-pap-“agreement” (pulled from your ass?). it’s just a bit annoying. ok, that's all i'll say regarding all that.

as for the stalker thread in ihj, i'll take BPB's route and assume it's a rumor-- especially since the original poster didn't seem to respond to queries re: source.

Anonymous said...

Some fool posted on the IheartJake forum, early in the Gyllenhaalics "Where's Jake" thread that they 'went everywhere he could possibly be' and even hung out WITH the paps who are planted in front of Chris' apartment now, 24/7, waiting to get a glimpse of Jake even tho they (paps)knew he was probably not there. I don't think he sets up photo ops at all. I think there is a crazy group of fans who tail him when they can and I also think that some of the more obsessed nasty people who hounded him during BBM are still around.Most normal paps (oxymoron?) stick around places where they can make money in LA or NYC and it doesn't matter who they shoot if they can get paid. But there are two or three or four who are sickos, who are nasty and need to be locked up. So I think it's very possible that there are both fans and paps making Jake's life kind of misreable. I admire him even moer for the grace and the poise with which he handles all that shit.

britpopbaby said...

I can understand that it's very easy for him to get papped when he is in West Hollywood and areas of NY because thats where these snappers spend there days. He's been followed to the beach and up mountains I guess but they'e never caught him outside his house, his parent's house, Maggie's apartment - you know really really private places.

I would argue that none of these pap pics have ever been set up - the only ones that come close are all those biking pictures. Like has been said, he's no Paris Hilton (baby, who is?) or Jessica Simpson - he doesn't need it.

The only thing I ever heard about stalking regarding Heath was some nutter on IMdb threatening him with violence if he took on this role (Joker?). Nasty but I think it got stopped pretty quickly by mods.

Anonymous said...

I saw that post several days ago. It seems that IHJ post is gone now. Maybe there's some truth to this stalking stuff. The admin at HLC had to report a stalker to the FBI sometime ago. Some guy who actually flew into NYC and went to Brooklyn to "see" Heath. Guess the internet changes everything.The thought of anyone harming Jake or causing him anxiety or being mean to him infuriates me.

The Bearded Lady said...

The person who posted this news said Jake & Heath, and I recognize the name of the poster.
I believe he posts at Heath Central unless I'm mistaken?
So I thought perhaps there was news of this over there?
Who knows? I'm sure once you reach a level of fame there are crazy people out there.
Sadly it's not so much a matter of if but when.

Anonymous said...

Someone said they saw Jake at a concert (by Martin somebody) on MV a few days ago. It became an issue on another forum because a charity had advertised he would be attending an event on the west coast and somebody went and he wasn't there.

Anonymous said...

He shaved his beard!!!

Check out new IHJ pics - on the beach in Martha's Vineyard, with his Mom!

Anonymous said...

Gasp!

(Sigh of relief)

nice anonymous said...

You forgot to mention also that he's bare-chested.

For God's sakes, informants, get your priorities into order. ;-)

Kendra said...

Check out new IHJ pics - on the beach in Martha's Vineyard, with his Mom!


You can see these pictures added in my last Jake Weird update!

Anonymous said...

Heddaparsons

I figured that he was still on MV with his family! The pics most likely were taken by a fan and not the paps, I hope!! he looks like he has been eating and he shaved!

Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention also that he's bare-chested.

Ops, sorry! I was more exited to (finally) see his face then nipples! LOL

nice anonymous said...

S'okay, my friend. It's not about the nipples, for me, anyways -- it's all about the chest hair and the famous Gyllenhaal abdominal muscles.

Poor Jake's squinting rather painfully into space. Maybe he's become unaccustomed to glare from wearing sunglasses so often. (I though they might become embedded into his face.) Or maybe he's really blind as a bat, the poor baby.

Prophecy Girl said...

Jesus. He's back, he's clean-shaven, and he's shirtless. There is a God.

Anonymous said...

The weather on MV was pretty inconsistent over the past week. I had friends staying on MV at Vineyard Haven and they were finally going to the beach with warmer weather and sun on Friday, I think. Also, in these pictures Jake looks heavier. I find it hard to believe he gained back all the weight he had obviously lost biking, in just two weeks. Even in the pictures of him at the poetry reading he looks really lean. I believe these are recent pcs in that they were taken in the past 90 days or so, but it may be that they were taken in Malibu and not MV bcz of how brilliantly sunny it is.And I also think they were taken before he got so deeply into cycling and lost all that weight. Anyway, he looks absolutely gorgeous and they are new, recent pictures and I love them. I also think his Mum is really cool.

Anonymous said...

I love that he still hangs out with his parents and that he hasn't ditched his family for a Paris-Hilton like lifestyle.

Team Gyllenfamily!

dani said...

Jake is heartstoppingly beautiful in those pics!

Anonymous said...

I went to IHJ and looked at al four pictures. He looks heart stoppingly beautiful. The towel, I think, makes him look heftier than he really is...and I think he's probably wearing shorter bathing costume. And in the picture where he is following his mum up the stairs, leaving the beach, there are other people on the beach with shirts and jackets and they are covered up as if it were cilly even tho sunny. So the pictures probably are at MV. I sure hate that damned towel!

bubblegirl said...

He has his yellow live strong bracelet on. He just started wearing that didn't he? I am not used to him being shaved. I like it though.

amerita said...

Jake is sooo gorgeous in those pics. He has that Jack Twist face... Makes me want to grab that towel and ...yank it away ...;-)

mpom said...

Nice to finally see Jake
Without...
Without...
Without...
Beard, Sunglasses, Shirt.
Too bad not WITHOUT the towel.
Ah well, we can't have everything, can we.

cina said...

Oh dear god, I'm SO relieved (?) we finally know he's alive and well! LOL He looks so young in a way, I guess it's because he's completely clean-shaven. I kinda miss the scruff a bit!

But still... a shirtless Jake is always... a shirtless Jake! :-D

Anonymous said...

YOU might all be interested to know that Jake was in MV this past labor day weekend. According to these photos from IHJ

http://iheartjake.suddenlaunch.com/index.cgi?board=Pictures&action=display&num=1157584196

and he SHAVED (oh I just love him clean shaved)