We've caught Austin Nichols making The Gyllenhaal LOOK SHORT! Dude! You're making him look about 'Elijah Wood' 5'7 up there! Who the frig do you think you are?
I would usually impose immediate execution without trial for this most heinous crime of 'making Jake look marginally less hot' but seens as you're lovers and everything I'll let it slide...this time. I recommend in the future, that whenever you are near The Sex, you adopt this position:
Okay, so not that exact position (unless you're packin' a purple lycra catsuit? 'Cos that would be totally sweet), but you get my drift, right? On the knees, buddy. If you want to duck tape your shoes to your knees for full effect then be my guest. I guess it's okay to walk around at your normal height in the non-Gyllenhaal hours. Do we have an understanding? Good.