Sunday, July 30, 2006

THIS IS THE WORST NEWS EVER...

Okay, so I was catching up on my Jake Watch reading (Cock Watch? What is the matter with you people?) when I found this:

Wearing a sleeveless T-shirt, camouflage shorts and sneakers,
the 35-year-old Texan was just back from a run and looked
fit enough to compete in the race he once dominated. Yet
telltale signs that those days were over were scattered on
every side: from the cold beer and plate of pastries sitting
on a table nearby, to the collection of friends, including
actor Jake Gyllenhaal, who gathered around a TV set
and insisted on switching channels in time to watch
Tiger Woods win the British Open.
Read More...

But what is so bad about this I hear you cry...

GOLF! MOTHERHUMPING GOLF! Jake, say it isn't so! Please, please, please do not be a golf fan. I have a phobia of golf, I can't tolerate it. Even typing the word is giving me a rash. I hate people who play it, watch it, build special little elitist clubs for it, put on stupid trousers and diamond patterned jumpers for it. No, no, no, no! Seriously Jake, if you're into golf this relationship is over. There are some things I can cope with - dating ProphecyGirl/Austin Nichols/Mandy Moore/whoever behind my back, going to the entirely wrong European countries, the lycra outfits, hell, even The Dunst but golf, ugh, too far. For now, I'll just presume the writer didn't make this 100% clear and you were actually bound to a chair, gagged and made to watch The British Open by Armstrong and his cronies against your will but galantly spent hours squirming and making muffled screams trying to get free. Ok? Shall we never mention this again? Good. How were the pastries?

EDIT: Okay, forget me and my stupid golf crap - this is really bad news: http://musingsonthejourney.blogspot.com/. My thoughts are with you, dkbb. Hope you stay safe!

56 comments:

kokodee said...

Lol!!
But what's so bad about golf?
I mean Tiger...lets just say that if it weren't for Jake (the SEX)...

Anonymous said...

Golf is great.You should try it sometime.

Simon Agent 002 said...

I do like Miniature Golf...but for some unknown reason they won't televise that?

moonbeams said...

BPB,calm down.The human interest side of that story was Tiger Woods who broke down in tears, literally sobbing in the arms of his caddy bcz this was his first big win without his dad who had died. They were very close. I think, if Jakey actually watched it instead of say, going to the loo while it was on, it was probably so he could empathize and get teary eyed. Jake seems very tenderhearted. When I think of Jake, surfing, baseball, cycling...he's a man of action. I cannot see him standing around waiting to tap a teensy ball across the lawn and into a hole. I mean think about it. If Jakey held a mallet, it would be astride a horse at a polo match, not playing lawn croquet. Ease your mind, sweetie.

britpopbaby said...

I have tried it. I used to work at a golf club. I'm 100% qualified to hate it.

The Bearded Lady said...

Can you just see it?...all huddled into Lance's room?....Uh?...Lance you know that "Tour De France" thingy we've been following for days now?
Ah, would you mind if we turn the television to the "British Open"?...lol
But on a more serious note...Maybe Jake was missing his Britpop?...and the connection to Britain was his way of feeling near to you dear? ;)...did you consider that?
Absence makes the heart grow fonder does it not?

nice anonymous said...

Seeing golf covered on TV makes me feel sleepy, even headachy with boredom. But there's a certain amount of schadenfreude in watching it, also, when the players & audience on the course are all broiling in the hot sun ... while I'm sitting in an airconditioned room, holding a sweaty glass of iced tea with a lemon slice stuck on the rim.

The weather report says it's supposed to reach 99 degrees in NY by the middle of the week. Maybe Jake can fly out here & play a game of hoops or two with his shirt off.

cina said...

Golf? Naaaah. Not my cup of tea, even though I like to see Annika Sörenstam because she's so good, and Swedish. But that's about it.

I do like Miniature Golf...but for some unknown reason they won't televise that?

Simon, you seriously crack me up!! LOL

Anonymous said...

I agree with BPB about golf. It's just so horrible for so many reasons.

Simon Agent 002 said...

Everything can appear larger once you miniaturize all that surrounds it!
Perception is a proportional thing.

cina said...

^^ So true! ;-D

phoebe said...

I do like Miniature Golf...but for some unknown reason they won't televise that?

Sweet Moses. I totally agree cina. Simon, you definitely crack me up too!! Hysterical. LMAO!

Golf?! YAWN.

Anonymous said...

Oh god. And I thought the BIKING outfits were cringe-inducing. If he starts wearing golf clothes, I'm going to pretend like I don't know him.

Golf is bad in every way.

HephaistionLo said...

Well, we may have Austin to blame for the golf. In a couple of things about Austin I've read, he mentions that he's a golf fan. So maybe Austin got Jake interested in golf.

While I'm an Austin fan, and a Jake & Austin fan, I'm not a golf fan. I just don't get it.

If Austin is going to turn him on to a sport, it should be water skiing. :)

mrs_dalloway said...

Maybe he was just trying to take a break from all that cycling-theme..and the only thing going on was that golf..Really,I can't imagine him playing or watching golf.The only acceptable interaction with it is the one in Donnie Darko. That's the attitude: sleeping on the course :)

gin said...

I, too, do not understand the draw of golf. It's pretty damn boring to me. I've never seen a sport with so much plaid. On a related note, how much of my mental illness would I be revealing if I said that Bound to Chair Jake is kinda hot? Um. Yeah. I'm sorry.

The Bearded Lady said...

Golf in spandex might renew interest in the sport?

gin said...

Golf in spandex might renew interest in the sport?

That depends which players are going to wear the spandex. It might turn people away. ;)

only1annabel said...

Golf? What are you Jake...middle aged!? Maybe its a hobby of Poppa G's that has influenced the young and impressionable Jake...as long as its a passing thing and all he does is check the score then its cool. If on the other hand I see him photographed kitted out head to toe in golf gear I'm denying all knowledge of ever liking him!! (Who am I kidding I'd still go there with ya Jakey!)

Smurfeyshmoo said...

I'm thinking he was probably the youngest one there and thusly felt bad opposing the old folks's TV viewing choices. That or they didn't have their hearing aides in and couldn't hear his protests.

heddaparsons said...

Welcome back Brit!! And don't worry about Jake and the golf thing, it sounds like it was a group viewing thing. Probably Lance turned it on. Golf= old mans game IMO, sorry!!

The Bearded Lady said...

Staying at the Hotel de Crillon ...one could always go to the lobby and listen to the harpist play?


http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/?pg=fullstory&id=4217

Prophecy Girl said...

I always clung to the fact that the author wasn't clear that it was Jake who insisted they watch golf (God knows what sort of deviants were in that "collection of friends"). Because golf? GOLF?!

~DKBB~ said...

I enjoy golf...I think most golfers have the very best cussing skills. ;)

Nothing Really Matters said...

I hate golf as well.

Nothing Really Matters said...

I'm sure Jake was only sat at the table because pastries were on offer! Thats the only reason i would be sat there!

jakeNme said...

PG said: "I always clung to the fact that the author wasn't clear that it was Jake who insisted they watch golf "

Just logging on to say that very thing. I think the sentence structure was poor--I and don't think the author was stating it was Jake that pushed to change the channel. Rather, it was the 'group'. I think Jake was singled out in the group because, well, he is SO WORTHY of singling out in any crowd just cause he was THERE, plus catches the readers attention...

dani said...

Brit, I thought you were going to say something horrifying like the writer failed to mention that the room was also full of skanky women. I held my breath then sighed in relief when it turned out that Jake reportedly just wanted to see the end of the British Open

I think golf is boring to watch also and can't imagine Jake sitting there all day looking at it. I just think he's such a well informed guy that he likes to keep up with everything and he also seems to appreciate the accomplishments of others. It was a big day for Tiger Woods and I'm sure, as moonbeams said, he probably empathized with the emotions Tiger was
experiencing winning without his father for the first time.

Simon Agent 002 said...

Maybe an e-mail to this reporter might settle what actually occurred.

Agnes said...

I watch a lot of sports but golf makes me tired and I hope we don't have to se jake in golfclothes it would be too much.

JoyceDavenport said...

Welcome back Britpop. You and PG are some team.
On the golf thing I would say it was boring- except for the hole in one I got while knocking around a putting green a couple of weeks ago. I should explain that I did not go in search of said green. There just happened to be one at the place I was staying and I thought it would be fun to carry on with a couple of friends. Anyway I have to admit whacking that ball and seeing it go in the hole was quite exciting- but then I am getting on a bit and I do have a hearing aid...

wtbgirl said...

DANGER: Breaking Point REACHED - I am going to have to use all over my secret agent powers not to lose it at this point. I can't take it anymore. I don't think there has been ONE thing related to Jake in the past month that didn't involve Armstrong or McBongo. This madness must end. Jake needs to be thrown in a van (circa those 70s TV movies they used to make about rescuing people in cults) and deprogrammed from the teachings of the McBongo "Just Keep Livin" cult, forced fed a ton of sandwiches and cupcakes, and have his spandex physically removed (I would be more than happy lend my services towards that end).

Although, I must admit ... I do like golf. To play, that is, not to watch on TV.

wtbgirl said...

Oh sorry, Brit, I forgot to say ... WELCOME BACK! And thanks again to Prophecy Girl for doing such a great job while Brit was away!

Agnes said...

Mcbongo LOL

The Bearded Lady said...

Wtbgirl, don't lose heart.
I feel somehow that after spending weeks with team Lance & Bongo...
Jake's hero worship might be coming into clearer focus?
No better way to see the more mere human attributes of a person than spending a great deal of time with them.
Maybe it's the small things...I'm reading too much into...the vulgar joke Lance directed in public Jake's way...or (if Jake did this?) the turning of the TV to golf!....or that Mcbongo was left in the dust on their bike ride...the slightly annoyed voice in which Jake asked if Bongo was going to unlock the door?

Kendra said...

The only acceptable interaction with it is the one in Donnie Darko. That's the attitude: sleeping on the course :)
Ditto, Mrs Dalloway. I'm not a Tiger Woods fan either of golf -I consider it a little elitist for my taste- but football would be worse in my book.

cina said...

I agree wtbgirl, Jake needs to go back to doing his normal stuff again. Such as playing bb, talking on his cell, buying coffee or/and cupcakes. And walking Boo and Atticus!! Where the hell is he hiding his dogs??

Anonymous said...

Qualified in everything aren't you Brit.Always the expert in all matters it seems.Did you get out the wrong side of the bed?No.You are always a fucking bitch!

The Bearded Lady said...

^^I thought you were so insulted you were leaving weeks ago?...or were you giving everyone false hope?
Your lack of spacing after your use of the question mark gives your typing away.
I can't speak for Brit, but when provoked I can be a bastard.

Anonymous said...

It's probably better to ignore trolls like that. It's the reaction/attention they want. Don't give it to them.

SquallCloud said...

Isn't there a way to ban an IP address?

Anonymous said...

Hey, if you missed Jake on the Ellen DeGeneres Show last autumn, it's set to repeat on August 9.

Link:

http://www.interbridge.com/lineups.html#DS

moonbeams said...

Perhaps not ban, but most certainly delete??? Poof! They don't exist! LOL!!! wtb girl, I agree Jake needs to spend more quality time being "Jakey." I really don't mind the occasional bike ride with Matthew McBongo. I'm even learning to appreciate spandex...on Jake.(that helmet's gotta go!) But I'm SO needing to see him at the beach....or playing baseball...he looks so delicious when he's half naked and sweaty...and I love seeing him cuddle. Even if it's only Boo.

The Bearded Lady said...

Thanks @3:11 for the heads up!
That's my favorite episode of the Ellen show...I'm recording it this time...
Jake was so charming...and him carrying that large bouquet of flowers was hilarious!
He went from someone I admired as an actor and just learning their name, to someone I admired as a person in that interview.

Anonymous said...

I feel the exact same way about it as you do. George Carlin does a great skit about it. Making fun of the little hats and the snobs who play it.

dani said...

I want to say thanks also for the tip on The Ellen Show. Unfortunately, I wasn't that into Jake at the time the show originally aired so I didn't watch it.
I have seen it on YouTube but I want it for my collection of Jake appearances that began, for me, with The Tonight Show last January.

Smurfeyshmoo said...

Jake needs to be thrown in a van (circa those 70s TV movies they used to make about rescuing people in cults) and deprogrammed from the teachings of the McBongo "Just Keep Livin" cult, forced fed a ton of sandwiches and cupcakes, and have his spandex physically removed (I would be more than happy lend my services towards that end).

LMAO! I, too, am up for the spandex-removal project. It's a tough job, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

britpopbaby said...

God, when did being a fucking bitch turn into a bad thing? Christ, I need to re-evaluate my whole attitude!

Speaking of Jake on TV, I'm absolutely dying to see him on Jonathan Ross which is THE funniest chat show in the UK. Claire was trying to figure out how to get it on the computer for me. I bet it's a must see.

zoo said...

Jake on Wossy? When was this? Will you tell us when you get hold of it?

britpopbaby said...

Fo' sure.

It was a few years back when he was promoting The Day After Tomorrow. He teased him about the size of his head apparently.

mrs_dalloway said...

LOL. Poor Jake.

Anonymous said...

Oh no, I've been fantasising about Jake appearing on Wossy and didn't know *it had happened already*. Hope Wossy gets him on again in MARCH yes MARCH when we finally get the Zodiac thingy.

As for golf, I'm with heph - love Jake, love Austin, hate golf - deeply unsexy.

zoo said...

March? Is that cast in tablets of stone?

Anonymous said...

LOL, Lance hates golf and all other "country club sports". He's said tennis is the only one he finds acceptable.

magichappening said...

Would love to see that episode of Jonathan Ross ...do please let us know if/when you get hold of it!

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