Okay, so I was catching up on my Jake Watch reading (Cock Watch? What is the matter with you people?) when I found this:
Wearing a sleeveless T-shirt, camouflage shorts and sneakers,
the 35-year-old Texan was just back from a run and looked
fit enough to compete in the race he once dominated. Yet
telltale signs that those days were over were scattered on
every side: from the cold beer and plate of pastries sitting
on a table nearby, to the collection of friends, including
actor Jake Gyllenhaal, who gathered around a TV set
and insisted on switching channels in time to watch
Tiger Woods win the British Open.
But what is so bad about this I hear you cry...
GOLF! MOTHERHUMPING GOLF! Jake, say it isn't so! Please, please, please do not be a golf fan. I have a phobia of golf, I can't tolerate it. Even typing the word is giving me a rash. I hate people who play it, watch it, build special little elitist clubs for it, put on stupid trousers and diamond patterned jumpers for it. No, no, no, no! Seriously Jake, if you're into golf this relationship is over. There are some things I can cope with - dating ProphecyGirl/Austin Nichols/Mandy Moore/whoever behind my back, going to the entirely wrong European countries, the lycra outfits, hell, even The Dunst but golf, ugh, too far. For now, I'll just presume the writer didn't make this 100% clear and you were actually bound to a chair, gagged and made to watch The British Open by Armstrong and his cronies against your will but galantly spent hours squirming and making muffled screams trying to get free. Ok? Shall we never mention this again? Good. How were the pastries?
EDIT: Okay, forget me and my stupid golf crap - this is really bad news: http://musingsonthejourney.blogspot.com/. My thoughts are with you, dkbb. Hope you stay safe!