Today's task is to determine a final resting place for The Gyllenhaal. Wait, I worded that wrong - a permanant residence for the wandering one. From Paris to Berlin and every disco he's been in...wait again, that's a recent popular gay disco track not an accurate record of The Gyllenhaal's movements...from LA to New York and back again, often, and the many rumours about Malibu beach houses and hip New York shag pads, I'm getting a little confused and I'm sure Jake is too. So, let's help him in that difficult decision, (that many of us don't have to deal with because we don't have any damn money to move anywhere), of where to nest.
A. THE BEACH HUT.
Ah, an idyllic dream. For us! Imagine all the shots we'd get of those baby blue surf shorts if he lived here. Not to mention the midnight skinny dipping and naked beach barbeques. Plus this particular hut doesn't even look that pricey. Hell, Jake could build one himself!
B. THE CALIFORNIA HOUSE OF WHACK.
Well, I heard Jake was a fan of architecture and shit so when I saw this house I automatically thought, "Oh, good lord who would EVER want to live in that rubik's cube-esque nightmare of a house?! Maybe Jake does".
C. THE TRENDY NEW YORK APARTMENT
Okay, so I have no idea if the picture I've put up here is a trendy New York apartment block but it was the first one that showed up in Google Image Search and I couldn't be arsed to research any further. I'm not even 100% sure it's in New York but ain't it nice looking?
D. THE ENGLISH COUNTRY MANSION
A move to the Shires, you say? No, this isn't a pathetic attempt by britpopbaby to get The Gyllenhaal in the same time zone as her, she just wants the best for Jake. And she wants to imagine him dressing up as Mr Darcy and flouncing about the drawing room. If Jake also wants to take a dip in the lake and emerge from it all dripping and sultry before announcing he's going for a spot of afternoon tea then who are we to stop him?
E. THE CARDBOARD BOX
A favourite of the hobos for centuries this all inclusive, open plan box is a desirable option for the constant traveller. Jake need not forgo his wandering urges, moving from city to city, country to country, he can bring his abode along for the ride! Perfect for The Gyllenhaal World Tour I'm hoping he decides to stage soon.