Monday, May 22, 2006

JAKE SECRET 11TH SUBMISSIONS

Sorry! I forgot to put these up yesterday.

Also, some more shameless self promotion. I've put some of my prose up, unfortunately it's not The Homicidal Gift from Toys'R'Us, I can't find that anywhere! Click here to read. Thanks!

36 comments:

cina said...

The first one is too true!!

zoo said...

Are we sure about that? The Gyllys, in person? Not their publicists' minions as part of the daily earning of their 10%? Don't get me wrong, the very thought sends me aflutter - I would love it if it were true, but I find it hard to believe...

gin said...

Man! There could be a possibility that Jake visits this site and the things I want to say to him are too depraved to be read by the public! Foiled again. (I'm kidding, here.) These cards are funny. :)

Anonymous said...

Yes, I do believe that Jake and his dad lurk here on occasion and I think that it beyond cool!

miffed67 said...

LOL! Gyllendaddy does have a nice ass. Of course, that could be because we can actually see it! I'm voting for Jake to put on some Jack-esque jeans once in a year.....

Anonymous said...

I'm somehow more inclined to iamgine that it may be the job of a summer intern with CAA to check into Internet ramblings about the artists signed to the agency. This is just a shot in the dark & not based on any knowledge or experience of my own.

Anonymous said...

The interns at CAA most likely forwarded info. to Jake and his dad, this is related to the photogate incident last Sunday. Methinks that they both have a more than passing interests in this blog and iheartjake, all good i would think.

beskyddaren said...

I agree with the first card, the idea makes me want to go "squeeee....!!!!"
And the picture's perfect, he's got that look saying "...oh I know what you've been up to ladies (and gents)." But I do believe it's their official people that do the digging in the net.

Second card, LOL! Hot, hotter, hottest ass. How do I love the english lanquage.

Anna said...

I'm with miffed67. We never really get to see Jake's ass, it's always hidden by his clothes... :( But I do like Gyllendaddy's. :D

~DKBB~ said...

These just keep getting better and better. This was a BRILLIANT idea, britpopbaby! :)

Izabelka said...

Anna, you can see Jake's ass in "Jarhead". He has a nice ass ;]

Katie of Sweden said...

The second one is not made by me ;)...but I've had the thought of taking that exact photo and add a text about the poppa butt :) Gorgeuos!

I am convinced that Jake has been on this site. 100 % for sure.. don't wanna present my arguments for it here, but I am SO sure about it..

miffed67 said...

I have to agree with katie. I think Jake's been here, too. No concrete evidence and I can't even explain WHY I think that...I just do. For that matter, I think Gyllendaddy has been too, if for nothing else than to check out the blog that brought you PictureGate.

anna and Izabelka,
Mmmmmmm! Jake's ass! (with the corresponding "I show a little ass and I think people respond to that," on Conan O'Brien) You bet your bupkis, baby! I'm ready to see more of Mr. I Like Being Naked, cuz.....I like when he's naked, too!

Anonymous said...

Poppa G is a fine figure of a man, but I reckon Jake has the better ass. That "I show a little ass" quote makes me howl (with laughter and also like a wolf). Can anybody remember the quote that goes along the lines of "When people say I'm sexy, it makes me feel sexy"? Or was that it?

miffed67 said...

Yeah, I think that was pretty much it. Someone asked him if he felt sexy, in reference to the People 100 Sexiest or whatever it was...and he said he did. Good on him!

Anonymous said...

Papa G. needs to impart some fatherly wisdom to the boy about how to find flattering jeans. I know the how-do-those-stay-up baggies are the thing now, but there has to be a happy medium wherein we can actually tell that Jake hasn't suffered some unfortunate atrophy of the anatomical feature in question.

Anonymous said...

Jake's ass is a fine thing, yes -- but for me, it's everything above his neck. (Including the brain.) Then it's his abdominal muscles. And after that, his legs. And then, strangely, his fingers. He has such elegant fingers, even if he does chew his fingernails.

[Suddenly picturing one of those diagrams at the butcher shop with the cuts of beef indicated with little white dotted lines. Sorry, Jake.]

Anna said...

Izabelka - I can't wait to see Jarhead. Missed it when it was in the theatres here, and it isn't released on DVD until June 7. I've got it on pre-order.

And yesssss, he's got lovely fingers...

cina said...

The quote you're looking for is:

"When I hear that I'm a hot, sexy young actor - it makes me feel hot and sexy."

Now this is a quote I like that describes Jake:

"Gyllenhaal is a sexual volcano just beginning his eruption"

Hell yes.

Anonymous said...

Jake's ass looks really good in Jarhead. I'd suggest to him ditch the buggy jeans, he can sure carry fitting ones and be hotter than hell.

Katie of Sweden said...

Nooooo! Don't switch jeans!!! Keep the baggy ones! Not that those on poppa doesn't fit poppa, but Jake in tight jeans...no thanks.. he will seem out of pace with his generation. Keep 'em yummi jeans!

miffed67 said...

katie, are you nuts, girl? LOL!

Sure, I perv on his big brain, too...but the visual presentation......mmmmmm! I'm going to go have a lie-down and a think now!

gin said...

We're having a discussion of Jake body parts??? I've gone to heaven. He's just a whole plethora of beautiful parts...but I can hardly get past his eyes most of the time. Well, unless he's shirtless. Then I get past pretty quickly. Hullo treasure trail. The fact that he's smart is a bonus...but I can't see his pretty brain, so I have to admit that I tend to get hung up on what I CAN see. And it's all FIIIINE.

squallcloud said...

Jake's daddy does have a fine ass but Jake... when he's not wearing saggy pants makes a girl weep with that sweet onion of his.

Okay let's just say that if the top card is true.

*ahem*
I'm deeply, deeply sorry. Mr. Gyllenhall ... and Mrs. Gyllenhall. ... ... and Jake. Oh and Maggie nevermind all that lusting I did over your soon to be husband in those Caanes photos. I was just playing around.

beskyddaren said...

gin...the way you put all that, LMAO!!! Love you whoever and wherever you are : )

Anna said...

LOL, Squallcloud! Nice save... ;)

Anonymous said...

Yes, let me put in a word for Jake's lower belly, or at least what we've been permitted to see of it. Gin is right on: The man does have the sexiest treasure trail ... What about that one picture, where Jake's in profile, leaning all his weight against one upraised hand, as if he's holding up a wall? and he's looking beneath his raised arm at the viewer? His treasure trail is all fluffed out and fuzzy. I keep imagining the lucky photo shoot stylist teasing it out with a comb, then spraying it, to keep it in place. And I want that person's job.

tankergirl said...

Ah, yes...those fingers. When I saw Jake at the BBM Q&A, I couldn't STOP STARING at those hands. I was so worried he was gonna bust me, when I was supposed to be interested in something the others were saying. I'd never noticed them before. They were exquisite. Soft, and smooth, and almost feminine. Sigh.
And I'd like to put my vote in for some better ass jeans, too! Haven't seen proof of it's existence all year!

gin said...

I don't know any of you people...but I just adore the shit out of all of you!! :) This is a great blog.
Oh...and amen to the fluffed out treasure trail, anon 3:11. :)

Anonymous said...

It's not weird to be 'into' his hands, not by a longshot--I'm surprised I don't hear more about them. They are incredibly beautiful. His fingers are long and fine, his hands and fingers both clearly unusually flexible and his gestures so elegant.

I used to find it a bit strange that he kept his nails so terribly short, when slightly longer, well-manicured nails would take his hands from "beautiful" to "so blindingly exquisite it isn't advisable to look directly at them." But considering the combined evidence (the too-short nails AND the pinky-chewing pic) I don't think we are making a wild leap to thinking he is a recovering nail-biter that decided to just remove the temptation.

gin said...

Oh...these are the kinds of things that hit me as I'm about to go to bed...I LIKE Jake's baggy jeans...cuz they ride so low on his hips, sometimes show some underwear, or some skin if he puts his arms up...and the low-riding look is so sexy on him. Hope I can sleep now thinking of this. :D

beskyddaren said...

"...his hands from "beautiful" to "so blindingly exquisite it isn't advisable to look directly at them."

LMAO!!! Thanks anon 4:48!

Anonymous said...

Yes, I get the appeal of the loose, baggy, low-riding jeans. They look like they might come off quickly & easily. Or that one might be able to get one's hands way down deep inside them, if one tried ... if Jake held still long enough and seemed even mildly interested in what you were attempting to do to him.

But I'm in favor of those vintage jeans he wore in "Brokeback Mountain." The ones that leave no doubt about where his hipbones are, where his thighs begin and end. And that suggest just where the, ah, bulge is located. When he's seated beside the campfire and he's got his legs all folded up neatly, like a young colt's, oh. my. God.

Not to mention that he was simply born to wear the bluest of blue denim. It really sets his eyes alight. I'll never look at a man's denim shirt the same way again. Hell, I'd enshrine it in my bedroom closet forever, too.

gin said...

Oh sweet lord, it is so early and to wake up to imagery like this:

one might be able to get one's hands way down deep inside them, if one tried ... if Jake held still long enough and seemed even mildly interested in what you were attempting to do to him.

But I'm in favor of those vintage jeans he wore in "Brokeback Mountain." The ones that leave no doubt about where his hipbones are, where his thighs begin and end. And that suggest just where the, ah, bulge is located. When he's seated beside the campfire and he's got his legs all folded up neatly, like a young colt's, oh. my. God.

Well, thank you, whoever you are...cuz that is the way I like to start my day. :)

beskyddaren said...

"...I'll never look at a man's denim shirt the same way again. Hell, I'd enshrine it in my bedroom closet forever, too. "

Yeah, I'll never look the same way at denim shirts, cowboy hats, cowboy boots, pup tents, sheep, beans or Mexico again.

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